The Things I Think About As A Mom

-If I homeschool, will I ever get those cheesy drawings and cards and crafts made for me for Mother's Day? Probably not, because that feels a little self-serving. Would I be awful if I made my kids make them anyways?Because I REALLY want those gifts.

-I love all kids, but I like mine just a little bit more than yours.

-We have A LOT of pink in our house. Sometimes I can't find my children in the baby gear if they are wearing pink.   I fought this phenomenon when I was pregnant with Avery, but when you have girls, you will lose that battle, because people only know how to buy pink for girls. It's like there is a security sensor that goes off if you walk out of the store with something non-pink intended for a girl.

-Will my skin ever look normal again after two pregnancies (and hopefully more)? It's so odd and wrinkly.

-The revised version of the Candy Land board is too overwhelming for 3 year olds. It's so crazy colorful that they lose track of which square they should move to. Or maybe it's just too colorful for mom-eyes.

-Kids probably wouldn't be scared of the dark or monsters or strange sounds if people didn't make songs about not being scared of those things. I'm looking at you, VeggieTales!!!!

-Shame on you, Gerber company, for adding sugar to baby puffs. I will not be purchasing your puff products.

-At what age does a baby's eyesight become so impeccable that they can find the one lone crumb in the sea of carpet fibers, making you dig around in their mouths because you aren't sure what's in there?

-Only for the love of our children and concern for their safety do we as moms put our fingers into our baby's mouth. They could bite us, or worse...we could find a bug in there.

-Our attempts to not broadcast our means of discipline to the public are always thwarted by screams of, "I don't want a spanking!" They mumble any other time of the day, but not when we wish they would.

-I like to read books to Avery, but I hate when she interrupts me. Like, this REALLY bugs me.

-Turns out, I'm even competitive at board games designed for the 6-and-under crowd.

-Naptime is the best time to make and eat cookies. Then you don't have to share. And you can avoid the guilt over giving sugar and junk to your kids. Central Market refrigerated cookies are best for this, because you don't risk waking the kids with the sound of the mixer.

-The people who say that what you eat when you're pregnant sets the tone for eating habits of said child have never had children.