To My Youngest, On Your 1st

Dear Eleanor,

A year ago today you entered our lives, just barely squeaking in past midnight. (Thank you for that extra free day at the hospital, by the way.) We waited to find out if you would be a boy or girl, and the name war that ensued was brutal. I am even more thankful that you are a girl, otherwise I'd be writing to Atlas Reason Presley. It makes me shudder still.

Joking aside...you, sweet girl, were the one bright spot in a really hard year. God knew exactly how much I would need you this year, how your birth would be a healing, how your presence would be a comfort, how your smiles and laughs would bring delight on the darkest of days. You lay your head on my shoulder, I breathe in your baby scent, and I say a prayer of thanks for you.

You are truly full of joy. You are a funny little thing, curious about everything around you. You explore all day long, trying to figure out how things work. You stop and grin at me on your way to another room, usually to find your big sister. I love to watch the two of you playing together.

You are serious. And fearless. You really seem to examine what's around you and then try to make it your own. You are our mobile child. Avery has always been verbal, but you are the complete opposite. Exploring and hands-on activity is more your style.

I am so curious as to who you are going to grow up to be. Sometimes when I look at you and Avery, I feel the weight of this responsibility, to raise you both up in the Lord. What an honor, and how frightening sometimes! We are blessed with amazing family and friends to support us as we parent you.

You and I have come a long way together. A diabetic pregnancy that ended with an emergency trip to the hospital and bedrest for half of my third trimester. An amazing birth experience. The loss of your grandfather. The stress of life that distracts me from my role as mom sometimes. Through it all, you (and Avery) have been a constant reminder of God's graciousness and lovingkindness.

A little sappy, a lot serious, and all honesty, because hard years exist. It wouldn't be true to your history to pretend otherwise, but neither should we dwell on the bad, for God has blessed us immeasurably. I long for you to never know heartache, but I know God has a reason for all things. There are so many life lessons that I am eager to teach you, but for now, please be my baby for awhile.

I love you.

Mommy